i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize