Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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