the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
