shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I want her autograph on my taint
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Randomize