So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just threw up on my dentist
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think your dad took our porno
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
