Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
