i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
