I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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