jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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