Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
