My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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