how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
