she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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