It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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