hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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