Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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