the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
