I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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