Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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