I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
In America we eat man semen.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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