so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize