that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
