Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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