theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
