He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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