hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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