hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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