are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
