im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Houston, we have a squirter
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
