so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
