How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
