all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
