I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
