HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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