Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
