he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
