i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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