Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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