I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
