Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
