um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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