were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
