We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
