I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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