Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
