I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I still have a little drunk in my system
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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