It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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