WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
