I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize