So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
