The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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