My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
even my farts smell like vagina
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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