This girl is more easily done than said...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
