You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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