I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
