my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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