I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
