Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
