3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
