since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
