think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
