I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
