It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
