i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
