nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
