Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
