batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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