would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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