Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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