Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
