Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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