Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
