Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
