I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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